Wow, looking at this list makes me realize that I CAN do it, just takes effort! I had lost and gained, lost and gained. Just wow.
We need to do this. I have to do this. For my own sanity.
Starting weight:
295 pounds Dec 2014 heaviest
284.25 pounds Dec 2013 heaviest
new baby May 2013
kidney transplant June 2012
275 pounds July 2010 (after Peanut)
245 ponds Jan 2010 (before Peanut)
257 pounds Sept 2009
262.5 pounds January 2009
269 pounds October 2008
275 pounds July 2008
Current weight: 295 pounds
Goal weight: 160 (hahahaha)
Thursday, February 5, 2015
Friday, December 27, 2013
I walked a mile.
I walked a mile. I have been pretty "down" lately, lots going on in my head and in my world. Went to see a new doctor, to see if I can come off the coumadin, and the scale was not helping my mood. My heart sank. I am at my heaviest. EVER! EVER! What in the world. I didn't think I was eating more, but I know I am moving less. So today I decided to pop in my walk DVD. I walked a mile today. This baby weight is not coming off, even with the other 3 I did not have this pooch. The baby weight is deciding to stay, is it because I had an emergency c-section? My abdomen was not able to push her out. I walked a mile today! It's a start, it's a beginning. We have to start somewhere. So I have decided to start today, with my mile. My children are now my motivation. I have a new kidney, so now I must continue to focus on why this is important. I want to be able to wear my clothes. I want to be able to chase my 3 year old without getting out of breath. I can do this, with your help. Please help me focus on my future. I walked a mile today and now I have my beginning.
Starting weight: 284.25 pounds new heaviest
old heaviest 275 pounds
Current weight: 284.25 pounds
Goal weight: 160 (hahahaha)
Starting weight: 284.25 pounds new heaviest
old heaviest 275 pounds
Current weight: 284.25 pounds
Goal weight: 160 (hahahaha)
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Update
I am going to try to get back on the wagon of losing weight.
Just a quick update. I had my transplant! I am feeling great. I also had a beautiful baby girl! We are now a family of six. I will post a better update soon. I have plans to lose weight and that is why I started this blog. Maybe I'll even track what I am eating and someone can tell me what I am doing wrong. :)
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Facing life head on, no hall passes allowed.
Today I had an appointment with my nephrologist. I see her every 2-3 months or more depending on what my labs are looking like. Today the questions were the same but many of the answers were different.
"How do you feel?" - Tired
"How are your energy levels?" - crappy
"What is 2+2?" - Well typically doctor it equals 4, but today I have to subtract 2, multiply by 0, and remember to add my love to the equation.
Okay that last question wasn't asked. She always asks me "How do you do all that you do?" - My answer is about the same. I subtract 2, multiply by 0 and add love. Love is how I do what I do. Because I love my husband, my kids, my family and friends so much I can't see myself NOT doing it.
Today I asked "Can you write me a note saying I can go stand in the hall while everyone who needs me suffers?" I love my doctor, she smiles and says "You are awesome".
I am awesome. But I am also tired. So tired lately I want to cry. My washing machine is broken, people are coming over for Christmas, JulieMaySmith and BobbyJoeSmith need me somewhere somehow. Do I let myself stop and just say "I'm sorry, my kidneys are not working you will have to ask someone else for help.". NO WAY! That is not me. Sometimes I will say not today but tomorrow. But 99% of the time, if I am able, I will help Julie and Bobby. Why? Because I love them. God has given me to them to help them, to give them all I am. I carry my cross with a light heart, because I know that this is not the end.
I have a life to live and that life is worth every bit of silent suffering I go through. I do not want to let my life slip me by. I do not want my children to miss out on anything, and I am not going to miss out on them. My children are my world and they deserve a mother who will not give up.
Okay now the doctor tells me that "Your GFR was 14 (!!!) in October and 13 (!!!!) in November. Were you sick at all? " - Yes in November around Thanksgiving I was very sick. "okay, I will see how your labs look next week."
We started talking about my pending transplant. She was very excited for me that I have been on the waiting list for a year! This is great news. "Do you have a living donor?" - Yes, probably. You know how life and God can always throw things in the paths of people who aren't expecting it? At this point, yes but who knows in 6 month or more.
My possible donor could have so many things happen. So while we wait and pray for that situation we also know that things happen. We would all understand, because it is a life long decision for that person as well. We may have to wait for a deceased donor kidney, that could take 2-5 years from when listed on UNOS (or longer, or shorter).
So what is our next step with my kidney function so low? PD. At home, peritoneal dialysis. I got to see all the equipment again and learn a bit about how it works. My doctor said, "We may only have to do it for 6 months, but it could be needed for longer". So at this point we could have to start this in a month or two.
This is kind of scary, yet it is expected. This is what I have been planning to do for years. Now the reality could be around the corner. I also know, in the back of my mind, we may not need to do this at all.
I may need to ask for a bit more help, but my plan is to save all that help for after I have my transplant! To think I will be at the mercy of friends and family for at least 6 weeks after transplant is mind boggling. I know that my family and friends will take care of me, but I just see how it is my job to take care of you.
God gave me the passion to serve, when I am able. He put me here to give my all, even if I have to take a nap because my body is wearing out. Know that my soul and intentions will never give up. I will be here, doing what I know how to do! So if you need a friend, give me a call. God created me to love you and serve you.
"How do you feel?" - Tired
"How are your energy levels?" - crappy
"What is 2+2?" - Well typically doctor it equals 4, but today I have to subtract 2, multiply by 0, and remember to add my love to the equation.
Okay that last question wasn't asked. She always asks me "How do you do all that you do?" - My answer is about the same. I subtract 2, multiply by 0 and add love. Love is how I do what I do. Because I love my husband, my kids, my family and friends so much I can't see myself NOT doing it.
Today I asked "Can you write me a note saying I can go stand in the hall while everyone who needs me suffers?" I love my doctor, she smiles and says "You are awesome".
I am awesome. But I am also tired. So tired lately I want to cry. My washing machine is broken, people are coming over for Christmas, JulieMaySmith and BobbyJoeSmith need me somewhere somehow. Do I let myself stop and just say "I'm sorry, my kidneys are not working you will have to ask someone else for help.". NO WAY! That is not me. Sometimes I will say not today but tomorrow. But 99% of the time, if I am able, I will help Julie and Bobby. Why? Because I love them. God has given me to them to help them, to give them all I am. I carry my cross with a light heart, because I know that this is not the end.
I have a life to live and that life is worth every bit of silent suffering I go through. I do not want to let my life slip me by. I do not want my children to miss out on anything, and I am not going to miss out on them. My children are my world and they deserve a mother who will not give up.
Okay now the doctor tells me that "Your GFR was 14 (!!!) in October and 13 (!!!!) in November. Were you sick at all? " - Yes in November around Thanksgiving I was very sick. "okay, I will see how your labs look next week."
We started talking about my pending transplant. She was very excited for me that I have been on the waiting list for a year! This is great news. "Do you have a living donor?" - Yes, probably. You know how life and God can always throw things in the paths of people who aren't expecting it? At this point, yes but who knows in 6 month or more.
My possible donor could have so many things happen. So while we wait and pray for that situation we also know that things happen. We would all understand, because it is a life long decision for that person as well. We may have to wait for a deceased donor kidney, that could take 2-5 years from when listed on UNOS (or longer, or shorter).
So what is our next step with my kidney function so low? PD. At home, peritoneal dialysis. I got to see all the equipment again and learn a bit about how it works. My doctor said, "We may only have to do it for 6 months, but it could be needed for longer". So at this point we could have to start this in a month or two.
This is kind of scary, yet it is expected. This is what I have been planning to do for years. Now the reality could be around the corner. I also know, in the back of my mind, we may not need to do this at all.
I may need to ask for a bit more help, but my plan is to save all that help for after I have my transplant! To think I will be at the mercy of friends and family for at least 6 weeks after transplant is mind boggling. I know that my family and friends will take care of me, but I just see how it is my job to take care of you.
God gave me the passion to serve, when I am able. He put me here to give my all, even if I have to take a nap because my body is wearing out. Know that my soul and intentions will never give up. I will be here, doing what I know how to do! So if you need a friend, give me a call. God created me to love you and serve you.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
17 week appointment
Appointment went well. We opted not to find out which gender Peanut will be. Though we will have at least an unltrasound every 4 more weeks (yay for being high risk, blarg). Doctors due date is 7-4-10. Baby is looking good, awfully squirming for the ultrasound tech again. But things are looking great ♥ Was told I'm not eating enough by the doc (who is not my doc). But the nurse (who has done this 2 other times with me) disagrees. I've lost weight since before I was pregnant, but I'm also not retaining water like a balloon, like normal. *shrugs*
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Weight Loss is on hold
Below you will find something I posted to my facebook. Not sure why I didn't post it here.
So far we have made it to 15 weeks in my pregnancy! That is so exciting. We are hoping to last at least another 20 weeks!
So being pregnant puts my weight loss goals on hold, for now. I still intend to loose weight. Just have to wait a few more weeks. <3
I have lost 30 pounds since my heaviest! WOAH! What an accomplishment. Though, 10 of those pounds were while pregnant and very sick! So I'm hoping I can keep those pounds off after little Peanut gets here.
I think I'll keep the blog going with Pregnancy updates.
Starting weight: 275
Current weight: 245
Goal weight: 160 (hahahaha)
When Joyful news isn't so joyful
Share
Tuesday, November 3, 2009 at 9:49am | Edit Note | Delete
I'm going to attempt to explain why I have been loosing my mind lately. Many of you won't understand. Many of you just won't get it.
I have severe kidney disease. I've had my disease for 9 years. It's taken me 9 years (or longer, since i only found out 9 years ago) to go from 95 percent kidney function down to 20 percent. This is a miracle. I am very lucky and very blessed. Many people with my disease have started dialysis already and are on a transplant list. I have had 2 beautiful children and am still kicking it old school.
While pregant with my oldest (almost 7 now) I was put on bedrest 3 months and then hospitalized 7 weeks before he was born. The treatment plan was not fun.
With my second (5 now) I was able to do my treatments at home, but with the knowledge if I didn't take it easy I would be hospitalized again. I worked until I couldn't anymore, and then he pulled me from work about 2 months before she got here. "Bedrest" doesn't work so well with a toddler, lol. But I did okay enough to not need hospitalized again. She was born, but spent some time in the NICU (1 week).
Four, almost 5 now, years ago I had a large Pulmonary Embolism (bloodclot in my lung). The ER doctor had tears in his eyes when he told me. He wasn't even going to look for that. But my nephrologist (kidney doctor) insisted he do more than an X-ray. My family doctor pretty much told me I would have died if I waited any longer. My guardian angel sure was looking out for me. I'm stubborn about going to the ER, let me tell you. I really am. With all my problems, I still think I'm super woman ;) lol. I had a very dear friend (Missy) pretty much force me do what my doctor said (go to the ER), she drove me. It was good having her there. Martin go there ASAP. But I was in the hospital for a week.
Almost 3 years ago (come January), we were preparing for dialysis. I went through the class and everything. It took me 3 years to go from 25 percent to 20. I've been mentally prepared for kidney failure for a long time. Many people don't have that blessing. Some people have instant failure, so they feel bitter and don't understand. Some people didn't know they had a problem, and are angry. Some people refuse to do certain things to help themselves get better. I've not had the problem. I'm not bitter at all. I've been ready for a long time. Willing for the next step towards transplant. Praying for peace, knowing it's inevitable. Praying for a miracle, even for the miracle of medicine.
So that is very brief, "health history" of me. What's wrong now? I'm pregnant. It's very hard for me to be joyful about this. The baby is a blessing, it will be worth it. Do you know how hard it is to continue telling myself that? I know it will, but to think I may not even be able to carry the baby long enough for the little one to survive is terrifying. I am scared. I am tired. I don't want to loose the baby. I'm, physically, okay right now. But with as low a function as I have chances are good that my kidneys will get worse. Dialysis and pregnancy does not work so well. I will not die, but the baby might. Then again, the baby might not. The doctors are going to do what they can to get me and the baby through this.
Yesterday the doctor "laid it out", so we would know what's ahead. Things don't look so good.
I'm sorry for being crazy chick for a few weeks. It's been really hard not telling anyone. It's harder now, telling people. Especially since I don't know how to be happy. I feel like it's my fault if I loose the baby, which I know is ridiculous.
I want this baby so bad, I think I will have a nervous breakdown. I'm trying not to be stressed, but it's really really hard.
Please do not pity me, or feel bad, or make the "I'm sorry" faces. Just pray and send good thoughts.I'm usually stronger than this and it drives me nuts that I don't feel so strong right now. I love my little baby already and the thought of me not being able to take care of the wee one makes me sick. Sick of it all. I'm not one who likes having her Faith tested, because in my heart I know God's plan is better than my plan. My mind is just having a hard time at the moment understanding.
So, yeah. Prayers, prayers, and prayers would be very nice right now. I want this to be happy news, and it will eventually. When I get past the being paniced and not know what to do stage.
So far we have made it to 15 weeks in my pregnancy! That is so exciting. We are hoping to last at least another 20 weeks!
So being pregnant puts my weight loss goals on hold, for now. I still intend to loose weight. Just have to wait a few more weeks. <3
I have lost 30 pounds since my heaviest! WOAH! What an accomplishment. Though, 10 of those pounds were while pregnant and very sick! So I'm hoping I can keep those pounds off after little Peanut gets here.
I think I'll keep the blog going with Pregnancy updates.
Starting weight: 275
Current weight: 245
Goal weight: 160 (hahahaha)
When Joyful news isn't so joyful
Share
Tuesday, November 3, 2009 at 9:49am | Edit Note | Delete
I'm going to attempt to explain why I have been loosing my mind lately. Many of you won't understand. Many of you just won't get it.
I have severe kidney disease. I've had my disease for 9 years. It's taken me 9 years (or longer, since i only found out 9 years ago) to go from 95 percent kidney function down to 20 percent. This is a miracle. I am very lucky and very blessed. Many people with my disease have started dialysis already and are on a transplant list. I have had 2 beautiful children and am still kicking it old school.
While pregant with my oldest (almost 7 now) I was put on bedrest 3 months and then hospitalized 7 weeks before he was born. The treatment plan was not fun.
With my second (5 now) I was able to do my treatments at home, but with the knowledge if I didn't take it easy I would be hospitalized again. I worked until I couldn't anymore, and then he pulled me from work about 2 months before she got here. "Bedrest" doesn't work so well with a toddler, lol. But I did okay enough to not need hospitalized again. She was born, but spent some time in the NICU (1 week).
Four, almost 5 now, years ago I had a large Pulmonary Embolism (bloodclot in my lung). The ER doctor had tears in his eyes when he told me. He wasn't even going to look for that. But my nephrologist (kidney doctor) insisted he do more than an X-ray. My family doctor pretty much told me I would have died if I waited any longer. My guardian angel sure was looking out for me. I'm stubborn about going to the ER, let me tell you. I really am. With all my problems, I still think I'm super woman ;) lol. I had a very dear friend (Missy) pretty much force me do what my doctor said (go to the ER), she drove me. It was good having her there. Martin go there ASAP. But I was in the hospital for a week.
Almost 3 years ago (come January), we were preparing for dialysis. I went through the class and everything. It took me 3 years to go from 25 percent to 20. I've been mentally prepared for kidney failure for a long time. Many people don't have that blessing. Some people have instant failure, so they feel bitter and don't understand. Some people didn't know they had a problem, and are angry. Some people refuse to do certain things to help themselves get better. I've not had the problem. I'm not bitter at all. I've been ready for a long time. Willing for the next step towards transplant. Praying for peace, knowing it's inevitable. Praying for a miracle, even for the miracle of medicine.
So that is very brief, "health history" of me. What's wrong now? I'm pregnant. It's very hard for me to be joyful about this. The baby is a blessing, it will be worth it. Do you know how hard it is to continue telling myself that? I know it will, but to think I may not even be able to carry the baby long enough for the little one to survive is terrifying. I am scared. I am tired. I don't want to loose the baby. I'm, physically, okay right now. But with as low a function as I have chances are good that my kidneys will get worse. Dialysis and pregnancy does not work so well. I will not die, but the baby might. Then again, the baby might not. The doctors are going to do what they can to get me and the baby through this.
Yesterday the doctor "laid it out", so we would know what's ahead. Things don't look so good.
I'm sorry for being crazy chick for a few weeks. It's been really hard not telling anyone. It's harder now, telling people. Especially since I don't know how to be happy. I feel like it's my fault if I loose the baby, which I know is ridiculous.
I want this baby so bad, I think I will have a nervous breakdown. I'm trying not to be stressed, but it's really really hard.
Please do not pity me, or feel bad, or make the "I'm sorry" faces. Just pray and send good thoughts.I'm usually stronger than this and it drives me nuts that I don't feel so strong right now. I love my little baby already and the thought of me not being able to take care of the wee one makes me sick. Sick of it all. I'm not one who likes having her Faith tested, because in my heart I know God's plan is better than my plan. My mind is just having a hard time at the moment understanding.
So, yeah. Prayers, prayers, and prayers would be very nice right now. I want this to be happy news, and it will eventually. When I get past the being paniced and not know what to do stage.
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